The fear of dying
The fear of dying has never been so much in my thoughts as it is now. The fear that something may happen, some kind of disease that will put you down. When you have kids, something changes inside of you. Your protective instincts increase by 10 fold, and it is exhausting, living in fear that something may happen to your kids.
Since I've been dropping Olivia at kindergarten the guilt of leaving your kid, so little, so defenseless, crying, and clinching to my arms every time I had to leave her before going to work, it was the worst feeling! Ever! The teachers would tell me that after a while, she was already fine and happy playing with the other kids. With that idea, I left every morning feeling less guilty, less worried that some strangers would take care of your child for the next seven or 8 hours, but that tiny little tear on the corner of your eye is there. And as you move along the halls, you try to put on a straight face, but it doesn't matter, because everyone knows. And one day, you get that call! That call! Saying to you that your daughter is sick, or that she fell and hurt her mouth! Those moments you feel so bad because you want to be there all the time with her.
Now, we are currently living in strange and challenging times. Social media bombards one with so many stimuli, with content that probably people from the beginning of the 20th century would not manage in their lifetime. We're being told what we should do all the time, what's the best recipe to get in shape, to eat better, everyone's so knowledgeable, we have entire encyclopedias under our fingertips with smartphones, and still, I feel that we are so ignorant. We react to fake news all the time as if they were real, let ourselves be guided by misinformation, and we now live in a society based on fear. And it's translating into a concern about everything, worrying about everything, the sense that this is running out of control. Someone told me a while ago that I should trust people more, It's tough to let yourself go and trust someone. I'm always afraid that that trust will eventually turn on you, and I'll get hurt.
As I've reached the half term of my life I'm thinking right now what's going on, at this point I'm feeling like when you're watching World War Z, and you're at the beginning of the movie. Everything is building up, things are starting to happen, and I'm not going to spoil the movie if you haven't seen it, but it doesn't end to well for humans. I firmly believe that nature has a way of evolving and put balance in things when shit starts hitting the fan, but it doesn't make any distinction of good and bad, of young and old.
Stay healthy, stay strong.
Since I've been dropping Olivia at kindergarten the guilt of leaving your kid, so little, so defenseless, crying, and clinching to my arms every time I had to leave her before going to work, it was the worst feeling! Ever! The teachers would tell me that after a while, she was already fine and happy playing with the other kids. With that idea, I left every morning feeling less guilty, less worried that some strangers would take care of your child for the next seven or 8 hours, but that tiny little tear on the corner of your eye is there. And as you move along the halls, you try to put on a straight face, but it doesn't matter, because everyone knows. And one day, you get that call! That call! Saying to you that your daughter is sick, or that she fell and hurt her mouth! Those moments you feel so bad because you want to be there all the time with her.
Now, we are currently living in strange and challenging times. Social media bombards one with so many stimuli, with content that probably people from the beginning of the 20th century would not manage in their lifetime. We're being told what we should do all the time, what's the best recipe to get in shape, to eat better, everyone's so knowledgeable, we have entire encyclopedias under our fingertips with smartphones, and still, I feel that we are so ignorant. We react to fake news all the time as if they were real, let ourselves be guided by misinformation, and we now live in a society based on fear. And it's translating into a concern about everything, worrying about everything, the sense that this is running out of control. Someone told me a while ago that I should trust people more, It's tough to let yourself go and trust someone. I'm always afraid that that trust will eventually turn on you, and I'll get hurt.
As I've reached the half term of my life I'm thinking right now what's going on, at this point I'm feeling like when you're watching World War Z, and you're at the beginning of the movie. Everything is building up, things are starting to happen, and I'm not going to spoil the movie if you haven't seen it, but it doesn't end to well for humans. I firmly believe that nature has a way of evolving and put balance in things when shit starts hitting the fan, but it doesn't make any distinction of good and bad, of young and old.
Stay healthy, stay strong.
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