Being You.

As I write these lines, 96 days of confinement have gone by and I've been struggling with the ordeals of wearing masks every time I'm in a public place, emotional ups and downs and not knowing what's going to happen in the months ahead. 

Since March 14th the Spanish government imposed a State of Emergency to deal with a pandemic never seen in the modern age that affected and still is affecting the lives of millions of people not only here but all over the world. 

Jobs have been wasted and lives have been lost to this virus. The current reality of the worldwide economy is uncertain and the world as we knew it, no longer exists. 

Governments talk about the new reality all the time, the population is being educated to this new vocabulary. 

I recently started watching a tv show called "The Handmaids Tale". The plot revolves around the premise of some sort of pandemic, in this case, sexually transmitted diseases that consequently had an impact on fertility. A new militarized and hierarchical regime is implemented and women are subjugated and treated as slaves of this new society. Well, the description of this series is pretty resumed but if you're curious search for it and watch it. That's what I've done during this pandemic, I started watching this series and I was in agony with the thought that we could be going towards something similar. A disease pops in, kills millions of people, governments decide to shut down entire countries and lock everyone in their homes, forcing people to lose their jobs and their sanity. 

During the State of Emergency, some civil liberties were removed and people started to worry. 

The political reality here in Spain is still very attached to the past where a dictatorship ruled for many years, creating division amongst their population, this is still very palpable every time you watch the debates between the Left and the Right. Constant insults and nothing productive coming out of it. 

But what came out from all of this? What happened to people? What is happening to society?

For some, this is payback from Nature, because of the way we've treated Her all this time, not paying attention to the signs that She was showing us. 

For others it's an awakening of our senses, showing us that we could and should live our lives so differently and slower and healthier, providing us with the time to spend with our loved ones. 

And for others is the End Of The World As We Know It, you know, like the song!  

We are currently deescalating and for the most of us means that somethings we couldn't do during the Quarantine period, can be done. Like exercising and take long walks, and go out with your friends, visit other relatives that don't live with you. 

This helped me so much in my inner process of dealing with confinement. At the beginning it was fine, but as the weeks progressed it became harder and harder. 

Know I can do pretty much whatever I was doing before confinement and I feel that I'm becoming myself again!

Things that I've learned from confinement? 

How to chop vegetables really fast! Something that always fascinated me when watching cooking chefs. That also made me understand the importance of a well-sharped knife. I've definitely become a better cook.

I've learned how to make amazing bread!

Another thing I've learned is that I really appreciate my home, my personal space, enjoying the silence. 

One sad thing though is that I believe that I've become a bit of an anti-social. I'm an introvert, I've said this before on this blog, making friends is not an easy task in this city and for me mmmm.....what can I say? I'm usually good at social gatherings, but not particularly fond of staying too long. When I get bored I usually just want to split. 

When I left my job at the end of last year, I thought that I would connect with people that I've always found to be interesting and I believed we shared pretty much the same tastes. But for some reason that didn't pan out. 

Someone told me that I wasn't on their radars.  And for a while, I thought it was just that.

I've always thought that it was my problem, that I didn't work my relationships too well. That I didn't put on the effort. 

But this time I was willing to put on the effort and take advantage of the time that I had to curate those friendships. But I've found resistance. I've found an unwillingness to follow up with my effort. Again maybe it's still me and what I believe to be an effort from my part, for the other part it simply wasn't enough. 

So I've decided to stop chasing. 

I taught myself to let go. Turn the page and move on. I had to force myself and that was not an easy task. 

We need to create non-toxic environments, surround ourselves with people that really want to be with you, and appreciate YOU. 

Relationships and the people you know along the way are experiences and as such, they should be enjoyed while they last. 

Everyone stay safe out there!

See you next time!